Every week, I sit down and type the words that swirl in my mind after limb loss and cancer. All of my struggles, achievements, fears, and the scanxiety that lies dormant only to emerge every three months like some bad seasonal flu. Then I click publish and hope that it all reaches someone who needs it because otherwise, I’m standing on a stage naked for no reason. Exposing myself to strangers with my insecurities on the outside. Does it feel weird as an inherently private person to have people I’ve never met know so many details about my life? YES. It’s still a strange feeling, but I’ve learned to do all kinds of things that make me uncomfortable over the last three-plus years, and I wouldn’t trade my new strength for anything…

Let's say you meet someone new on a day when you happen to be wearing pants. Your prosthesis isn't visible, and there is no outward sign that would indicate you are an amputee. Do you casually mention it in conversation? Do you say nothing? Are you having a mini meltdown in your brain, hoping this isn't going to be a jump scare moment where your prosthesis falls off in front of them before you have the chance to explain you wear a fake leg? At what point, if at any, do you feel it's necessary to provide an "amputee disclosure"? …

Feeling pain and zaps in a limb you no longer have is so ironic that I have to assume Alanis Morissette must have just not been able to make it rhyme. Three years after limb loss, I still get the occasional pain in the non-existent foot, but more often, what I feel is a mild and constant electrical current, as if the wires got crossed and someone forgot to tell my brain that I had my leg amputated…

If a rainbow appeared in the sky as you walked out of a crappy day of jury duty, would you notice it? What about a swarm of butterflies by your Grandma's mausoleum? Or that gut feeling telling you to walk away from something toxic? It was always there, but did you ever acknowledge its presence? Do you see the little signs from the universe, or are you so preoccupied you look past them with tunnel vision? There never seems to be enough time to stop and smell the roses, but what if their scent carried a message you desperately needed to hear? …

Lately, I find myself saying "I can't" to more things than ever, and it's forced me to start evaluating why. The obvious answer here is that I only have one real leg, and so many activities are done with two, but is "I can't" the real reason I hold myself back from them? …

When I lost my leg, no one ever told me I was disabled. It wasn't a word the doctor ever used, and it hadn't crossed my mind in any significant way during the early part of my recovery. It wasn't until I went out in public that I noticed the world outside my house was not exactly built for people like me…

There is a whole subgroup of people out there who are particularly attracted to amputees and or/ their residual limbs. A fetish, if you will. I know we never talk about this, but I think it's time to tell you what it's like to be on the opposite end of those individuals' unique interests…

New Year's Resolution: a tradition, most common in the Western World but also found in the Eastern World, in which a person resolves to continue good practices, change an undesired trait or behavior, accomplish a personal goal, or otherwise improve their behavior at the beginning of a calendar year (Wikipedia). Sounds nice, right? Then why does everyone quit two weeks later and then hate themselves for the next 11.5 months? …

It’s hard to believe I’ve been an amputee for three whole years. I still remember my first steps post-surgery, A bright purple hospital sock on my one remaining foot and a big metal walker by my bedside, ready and waiting for me to build up the courage to let all the blood rush to the end of my residual limb…

There’s a permanence to loss that’s haunting. Your heart wants so badly to have your loved one back that it aches with the reality that you will never again have the chance to hold them and tell them what they meant to you…

You know when you need that extra push to help you climb a little higher? Like you start to doubt yourself for a moment and wonder if you were Insane to even try the hike as your one remaining leg shakes like a leaf in the windy Arizona landscape…

How many times have you wondered what if? After the opportunity passed, I bet you wondered, "what if I tried" far more than you think, "what if I failed." After all, life is just a giant web of decisions and winding roads that take us this way or that way…